I’m not totally convinced anyone really – truly – enjoys eating out in restaurants. I’ve tried, I’ve pretended, I’ve even occasionally fooled myself into thinking I do. But the whole process is awful. Think about it: they’re expensive. They’re full of people you haven’t personally vetted, so are probably (definitely) terrible idiots.
And restaurants are awkward. God, they’re awkward. The tombic, helpless silence that descends when the waiter is pouring water. The whole “being served” thing in general – like you’re some kind of reclining Roman brothel owner. The minefield of complaining while being just nice enough so the rest of your dinner isn’t intensely diluted with chef dribble. What if I make myself look like an idiot by choosing the wrong wine? Sneeze into my soup? Get locked in the gents for 10 minutes? All of which have happened.
Being butt naked is optional. Meaning anyone who isn’t is almost certainly there to be a pervert
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