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Fancy Crab, London: ‘A terrible waste of time’ – restaurant review

Red king crabs are seafood royalty. How can this place dedicated to consuming them get it all so horribly wrong?

92 Wigmore Street, London W1U 3RD (020 3096 9484). Meal for two, including drinks and service: £150

Eating crab, like building kitchen extensions and sex, is very messy when done properly. You have to roll up your sleeves and abandon yourself to the mucky business at hand, with hammer, crackers and pick. The white meat must be hard won, the brown meat scooped from nooks and crannies. I’ve always thought of it as being akin to that myth about eating celery: that you burn as many calories breaking the bastard down as you gain from the seafood with which you are rewarded.

Singapore chilli crab should be salty and sweet and spicy. Eating it should get sauce on your ear lobes and sweat on your brow

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