Part burger bar, part exhibit, this overpriced shrine to the Wahlberg empire serves anything but mom’s home cooking
We will never reach peak burger. This is terrifically bad news for cows, but a relief for anyone who finds cutlery arduous. Wahlburgers is actor Mark “Marky Mark” Wahlberg’s fast-food emporium, which opened its first UK branch late last month in a perfect London location (with, apparently, plans to open many more sites over the next few years). Simply exit Covent Garden tube, head on to the cobbled thoroughfare – one of the capital’s most congested tourist hotspots – and there’s Wahlburgers, like an open honey jar to curious, famished ants.
I say Wahlburgers is fast food, but the moment one sets foot inside, passing a merchandise stand on the way, there’s a sense this might take time. Shake Shack, another relatively recent US fancy burger import, has greeters who ebulliently welcome diners to join the queue, but at Wahlburgers you’re shown to a table and assigned a waitress with a sense of formality unbefitting a lurid green, unlovingly furnished, part-burger joint, part-sports bar. Assuming the sport in question is “Stalking the Wahlberg family”: screens on every wall play highlights of 10 seasons of Wahlburgers, a reality TV show that follows the high jinks of Mark, Donnie and Paul Wahlberg’s empire. Napkin holders are covered in cute family photos of dinners with Mom, the walls are emblazoned with Mark and Donnie’s movie posters, and the menu is dusted with homespun tributes to Alma’s macaroni “made from scratch”, Jenn’s chicken salad and Mom’s favourite mayo.
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